I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
