btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i love accidental penises.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
