Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think your dad took our porno
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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