I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
