last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
