we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
