How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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