Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
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Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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