i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
