Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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