not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
