I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
