There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
