there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
