my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
