It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
