is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
