Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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