I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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