I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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