Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
