I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
