Your dad touched me again.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
