yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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