Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
