Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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