Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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