It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
