i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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