a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it was like eating out sand paper
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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