Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
