1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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