"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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