Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
