My room smells like vodka and shame
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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