that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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