I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
