So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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