is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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