My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
