remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
