i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize