My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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