I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
