Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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