thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
