I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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