I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
