wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize