Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
