would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
