We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
