pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I smell stomach acid.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Your cock deserves a montage
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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