i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
