Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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