p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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