Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
