Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
