So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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