lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
