dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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