I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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