I just pynch a tree in the face
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
