it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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