I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
