I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
