I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
