Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
