I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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