yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Randomize
