pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
