Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize