Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
