my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
