I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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