i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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